Never To Be Unseen
by angelisis7
Summary: Johnny does something stupid and Elizabeth catches him. Was meant to be a oneshot, but will probably be a few chapters. R & R please!


**I don't know how long this one will be. I had originally thought it would be a one shot, but I don't see that happening now. This is a shorty that just wouldn't get out of my head... So here it is for you. Hope you enjoy and will let me know what you think. Reviews are seriously like naked Jason time and make me and my muse happy bitches. Warning for language and adult situations. Thank you for your reviews/faves/follows! **

**Never To Be Unseen**

"Haven't you heard of, trim the hedge, tend the shrub, clear the overgrowth, wax the bush, my God Johnny, look into getting manscaped, it...clears the forest to make the tree look bigger. Have you had to perform the Heimlich after a blow job? You've got enough hair there; you could floss the eastern seaboard." Elizabeth said with horror clearly writing across her face.

"Why are you looking at my man of the hour? What would your husband have to say about this? Don't be getting any ideas; I like my Johnny Long Arm, right where he is."

"My husband you ass, would be wondering why you are walking around our home naked, where our children play and could be home any minute. As for Johnny Long Arm…" Elizabeth said but burst into a fit of laughter. "Why do you insist on naming your penis? And there will not be a single idea in my head that pertains to your anatomy. You're like a brother and this whole conversation is of the…ewww…"

"Whose husband is an ass?" Jason asked as he entered their home.

"No one is an ass. Well…except for Johnny; he is an awarding winning one."

"Do I even want to know?"

"Not really but I need to tell you, so you can prevent any more of his shenanigans from happening again. Or at least the tomfooleries that involve him naked…ugh, I may have nightmares for eternity thanks to him and his shaggy bush."

"My bush isn't shaggy damnit and the forest doesn't need to be cleared to make my 'tree' look bigger, it is already of epic proportions, you just can't handle a real man. You can stop checking out my young ass now." Johnny whined but still didn't don his clothes.

"For the love of God, Johnny, this house is not clothing optional! Have you ever let that thing see the light of day? I'm shocked it hasn't shriveled up and died…well, shriveled up more so." Jason said while trying to shield both his eyes and his wife's.

"Johnny, if you don't put your damn clothes on this instant, you will never be allowed through our doors again." Elizabeth said.

"But Lizzy, I prefer the breeze! I can't do this at home, all the guys are jealous and once or twice, I swear, I caught them looking at my Johnny Long Arm, with Desire…"

"Johnny, I need a serious answer, could there be a chance you are on drugs?"

"No, no I don't think so. Unless, did you slip me something in my coffee this morning? My tongue does feel a little…enlarged."

"Obviously it is the only thing on you that can claim that."

"Lizzy, that was just plain mean! Aren't women supposed to be nicer about things like this? You know, mean will shoot the shit and call a pipsqueak a pipsqueak but with men, it is always about size. I think you've seriously bruised my ego."

"I think you have seriously damaged my eyesight, so we're even. Johnny, don't make me tell you to get dressed again or else." Elizabeth said with finality.

"No need for threats dear. He may be an idiot, but sadly, he is our idiot. Thank God he is good at his job, otherwise, his uses would be even less." Jason said.

"So what, both of you are going to gang up on me now? I feel so…used."

"No Johnny boy, that's how you feel when you spend time with those women...you seriously need to raise your standards. A slap and tickle isn't worth the hassle." Elizabeth replied.

Although she wouldn't admit it out loud, she was enjoying the easy banter. Things had been too stressful, for too long. It was nice to be able to relax and let loose. Just not as loose as Johnny was, she could stand to see him with a few more constraints.

"Yeah, but there is only one Lizzy and assface over there already stole you."

"Don't be calling my husband names when you are a bigger slut that Carly and Sam together and that is saying something. One of these day's you are going to come home and find children all over your doorstep."

"Nope, I had that little problem taken care of years ago."

"Do I even want to know how many years ago, you willingly submitted yourself to that type of mutilation?" Jason asked. He moved his hand in front of his own package, as if to protect it from the same, horrible fate.

"Three, if you must know. It isn't mutilation if you have no desire to be a parent."

"I hate to burst your bubble Johnny, but what about the years before that?" Elizabeth asked, knowing she was probably going to regret the question.

"I used condoms and they were always on birth control."

"Are you 100% positive?" Jason questioned.

"Well…they said it, so…"

"Johnny, man…stop thinking with your little head, it is going to get you in BIG trouble."

"Point in fact, this…Johnny Long Arm, wanted to get uninhibited and have a break from all those stares and lurid looks. If I might point out, you and Lizzy weren't supposed to be home yet."

"No we weren't, but Luna came down with a bug, so before we were even able to get on the road, we were called back."

"Hmm…that sucks. So are you going to be going somewhere?"

"Johnny, whether we are home or not, you will be putting your clothes back on. Jake and Cam could be home any minute." Elizabeth said a note of warning entering her voice. "Jason, talk to the man about getting some work done to his downstairs. He waxes his bloody chest but can't take the few moments it would take for there…men!"

"You know, I am not comfortable talking to him about such things."

"Why? Just have him go to the same guy who does yours. You weren't at all happy when I suggested it but look at how much you enjoy it now."

"Woman, if you ever want sex again, you will stop talking."

"As if you could hold out on me, especially if I put on that naughty vampire nurse outfit. You are putty in my hands in 2.6 seconds. Now get with the sharing, so we can go get our daughter and maybe later, I can show you what a dirty, naughty girl I can be."

"Sharing, I can do that. Go, I'll handle Johnny, and then tonight, you are mine."

"Thank you baby, you are such a good man and husband."

"No, no, thank you. And I believe it has been said, 'Happy wife, happy life' those are words I live by."

"Pulling out all the stops are you Mr. Morgan?"

"I'm just hoping that I'll get a bonus in our…festivities tonight, if I am an extra good husband."

"You just might, but first, I'll need the image of naked Johnny scrubbed from my mind and retinas."

"Would you two please stop talking about your sex life, I'm going to be traumatized."

"How do you think we feel?"

"Lucky, blessed…"

"Jason…"

"On it." Jason replied and then kissed his wife soundly. Ensuring she wouldn't forget her promise for later.

"My Eyes, My Eyes…" Johnny shouted as he was led from the room.

"Think she knows what we are up to?"

"Not a chance, you were a great diversion but never, ever let me see you like this again, okay?"

"You got it boss." Johnny said with a smug smile. "Now I just have to remember how to remove this fake bush…"

**XxXxX**


End file.
